The Legend of the Drunken Dragon
by Soleneus
Summary: A drunk nine-year old Naruto wanders out of Konoha and stumbles upon a new world of myth, dragons and the Drunken Fist. With a never-ending flask of sake and the Fire Dragon at his side, Naruto sets out to find the rest of the Elemental Dragons and become the second Ultimate Dragon Warrior, but with adventure comes danger, and he can't stand alone. Luckily, Konoha hasn't forgotten.
1. The Legend Begins

The Sandaime Hokage sat at his desk signing and stamping various documents while slowly puffing on his pipe, the grey clouds of cherry-scented smoke drifting lazily in a cool spring breeze. The quiet, comfortable atmosphere was broken as his door was kicked open, admitting a pair of ANBU carrying a struggling person between them. A person they then unceremoniously dumped on the floor.

The Sandaime gave the ANBU an annoyed look before sighing, gesturing at the groaning man. "Who's he and why'd you bring him here?" he asked, setting his pen down.

"You won't believe it, sir, I still don't," the woman of the pair answered, flicking her long purple hair over her shoulder, "…It's Naruto Uzumaki."

The Sandaime went rigid, his grey eyes widening as he looked down at the person sprawled on his office carpet. "…Is that really you, Naruto?" He asked, an iota of hope leaking into his voice.

Naruto groaned affirmatively into the carpet, rolling over to groggily peer up at the old man. "Hey old man, long time no see," he greeted, and the Sandaime was surprised to hear how deep and gravelly his voice had become. Naruto turned to the ANBU with a scowl. "Least you could do is help me up, ya know."

"I'm not falling for that again," the male of the pair said, rubbing a deep crack on his mask meaningfully.

"Aw whatever," Naruto groaned, pushing himself to his feet and taking the chair in front of the Hokage's desk, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "So what's up, old man? How've you been?"

Hiruzen blinked at him, taking in his appearance. Naruto's blond hair was shorter than he remembered and messier, with a thin coat of stubble on his whisker-marked cheeks. He wore a necklace tucked into the neck of his burnt orange shirt, a faded red vest over that with a brilliantly scarlet sash around his waist, and loose blue pants that led to bandaged but otherwise bare feet. "You…you look like you're older, Naruto," he pointed out faintly.

"I _am_ older. Sixteen, to be precise," Naruto replied bluntly, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, showing the Sandaime the red bandages wrapped around his wrists.

"But how?" Hiruzen asked incredulously, "It's only been five years, and you were _nine_ when you went missing! How is that possible?"

The blond shrugged casually. "A lot's happened in that time." He patted himself down, making a happy sound as he withdrew a large, ornate flask from his sash, popping the cork and taking a long drink. "Ah! There we go." Naruto sighed in relief, giving the old man a lazy smile as he leaned back in the chair and propped his feet up on the desk. "I'd be happy to tell you the story old man, but it's not a short one."

"Be that as it may, I think I need to hear it," the Sandaime replied slowly, hitting the intercom connected to the secretary's desk outside. "Honoka, clear my schedule for today. And also pick up some food, if you please."

"Can she get some ramen?" The Uzumaki asked interestedly, "It's been forever since I've had Ichiraku."

Hiruzen bobbed his head in agreement. "Ichiraku Ramen, then. Tell them to put it on my tab." With that done, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. "I suspect I'll need a drink before this is over," he grumbled, stuffing fresh tobacco into his pipe.

Naruto grinned and shook his flask, the curled dragon carved on the side glinting in the sunlight. "I'm happy to share to what I've got," he said with a mischievous smile. "'S'long as you share your smokes with me."

The Sandaime gave the younger man a searching look, before pushing his tobacco box across his desk. "This is a special blend, don't use too much," he warned with a pointed finger.

Naruto shrugged and set his feet on the ground, digging through the box with narrowed eyes. "Alright, so how do I start this?"

"Usually at the beginning," Hiruzen pointed out with a slight smirk.

"I was actually thinking about somewhere in the middle, but the beginning'll work," he muttered, taking a long pull of his flask. "Alright, so it was my ninth birthday…"

…

"We need to get rid of that little shit."

A blue-haired man looked up from his cup of shoucho and blinked. "I'm sorry, what?" He scratched his cheek with a finger, taking a sip of his drink. "I wasn't paying attention."

The one he spoke to sighed, brushing long brown bangs out of his eyes. "I said," he said forcefully, "We need to get rid of that little demon shit. It's not enough that he mocks us everyday, but now he went and humiliated my son. Beat him up in front of a girl, then dropped a bucket of paint on him before class. This is the last fucking straw! I don't care what happens, I'm getting rid of that shit. Tonight."

"Um, Baiyo," the blue-haired man frowned, "He's a kid, man. Kids are dicks. Doesn't make him a demon."

Baiyo slammed his fist on the table, rattling their glasses. "I don't care what he looks like, Daito! That little bastard made my boy cry! I'll kill him!"

Daito pushed away from the table with wide eyes. "Holy shit, Baiyo! I know you're angry, but murdering a kid ain't the answer! Hell, it's not even an option! You so much as approach that kid with anything even _resembling_ a weapon, I'm calling the Uchiha! I don't give a shit if we're cousins!"

"So what?!" Baiyo shouted, his face reddening with rage. "I'm just supposed to let this go?! You don't have kids, you don't know what it's like to find your little boy hiding in his room, too ashamed to come out because some little bastard was picking on him!"

"So get drunk and find a whore!" Daito called back.

"No, no, I got a better idea," the brunette said, tapping his fingers on the table. "I'll get-I'll get a mob together and we'll hunt the little bastard down and string him up by his ankles!"

The blue-haired man smacked the back of his cousin's head. "What the hell did I just say, man?!" He downed the rest of his shoucho and shook his head. "And what makes you think anyone would form a freaking _mob_ of all things? The hell you think we are, savages?"

"...That little shit's the savage," Baiyo muttered, pouring himself a measure of alcohol. "I'll show him a prank!"

Daito sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're not going to let this go, are you?" He murmured, getting an affirmative grunt from his cousin. Sighing again, he grabbed the bottle and paused as an idea worked its way into his head. "What if we got him drunk?"

Baiyo stopped mid-drink, eyeing his cousin curiously. "...What do you mean?" He asked curiously.

"What if we got him drunk, took him out near a gate and let him wander off?" Daito offered. "It'd scare the life out of him and make you feel better, and it won't end with a dead kid."

Baiyo nodded thoughtfully. "You know, that has some merit," he murmured, tapping his chin. "And the West Gate is always deserted this time of night."

…

Naruto was wandering around the alleys near his apartment, peering into the trash cans for anything useful, like a new (relatively speaking) pair of shorts or a pair of sandals. Spotting the sleeve of a shirt poking out of a can, he reached up and tugged it free, finding a stained white shirt that'd be perfectly wearable with a bit of scrubbing.

Hearing a sudden clatter and a muffled curse, the nine-year old clutched the shirt to his chest and pressed his back against the wall, trying to hide from people coming his way.

"Kid!" A voice called, a blue-haired man peeking into the alley. "Hey kid! I know you're in here somewhere! I'm not gonna hurt ya! Actually, I got something I want to give you!"

"Like what?" Naruto asked suspiciously, popping his head out of the shadows.

Daito sighed inaudibly. "It's a secret, known only to ninja," he said with a friendly tone. "I hear you wanna be one, little man."

"Not just any ninja!" The nine-year old declared proudly. "I'm gonna be Hokage!"

"Oh wow, then you definitely need this, little man." He held up a dark bottle, the character for Sake bright red against a white label. "See, there's something that all the strongest ninja do. They drink this. It's called 'Saké,' and it makes them strong."

"Really?" The young boy asked curiously, taking the offered bottle before looking at Daito suspiciously. "How would you know? Are you a ninja?"

"I'm a genin, actually," the older man pointed out. "See, I didn't get any farther because I learned the secret too late, but it's not too late for you. All you gotta do...is drink."

Convinced, Naruto struggled to pull the cork out of the neck, eventually managing it with the help of his teeth. With no fanfare, he tilted the bottle back, missing the brief shame passing over Daito's expression, before he had to dodge a mouthful of coughed sake. "Woah there!"

Naruto coughed and gasped, rubbing his burning throat. "It burns!" He wheezed, struggling to draw breath.

"That just means it's working," the blue-haired man assured. "Just keep drinking, it'll kick in soon."

Nodding, the nine-year old continued drinking, and it didn't take long for him to become inebriated. Daito sighed as the kid started to sway in place. "Sorry kid, but family's important. Hope you can forgive me someday." He took a small purse of money and stuffed it into Naruto's pocket, putting a hand on his shoulder to steer him through the alleys.

Eventually, they reached the West Gate where Baiyo waited, watching the drunk kid stumble about with a savage, gleeful grin. "Hey, you little ba... _kid_. You learned the secret, congratulations! But guess what? There are even more secrets out there!" He waved grandly at the open gates.

"Reeeeeallly?" Naruto slurred, peering groggily into the darkness beyond the gates. "I'lik sekrets…" Taking another pull from the bottle, he toddled off into the darkness, nearly stumbling on a loose stone but recovering his balance and continuing with on.

"Hehehe," Baiyo chuckled gleefully, rubbing his hands together like some sort of master villain. "That's right, you little shit. Go find a secret cave…and get eaten by a bear!"

"Oh shut the hell up, cousin," Daito breathed, pinching his nose. "If something happens to that kid, the Hokage's gonna raise all kinds of hell. Now, I'm going to try and suppress this memory with alcohol. Lots and _lots_ of alcohol."

…

"...Son of a bitch," the Sandaime muttered, setting his bowl of ramen down on the desk. "And with what happened that night, I didn't notice you were missing until weeks later."

"Eh," Naruto shrugged, slurping up a long bundle of noodles. "I turned out just fine. Pretty damn fine, actually. I should thank that guy."

"You should do it quickly, because I'm going to kill both of them when we're done here," Hiruzen scratched his receding hairline with a sigh. "So, I can see that you didn't get lost in the woods, so what happened next?"

"Well, it was a pretty big bottle and I was a lightweight back then," Naruto continued, taking a long pull from his flask. "So it lasted me quite a while. I'm not sure how long I wandered around, but eventually I came to a small town…"

…

A drunken child staggered through the streets of a small town, loosely holding a mostly-empty bottle in one hand. He paused to lean on a wall and take another swig, pouting childishly as he realized his 'special secret super-ninja juice' was gone, before deciding to go find some more. Stepping down an alley, Naruto slowed to a stop as he groggily made out a blurry shape standing before him.

"Lookit what we got here," a high-pitched voice said, a rail-thin man with his hair covered by a bandana and a greasy nose leering down at the nine-year old. "A lost little kid. What a shame. Ain't it a shame, Kaku?"

"Such a shame, Takai," another, slightly dumber voice replied, coming from behind Naruto. "And he's drunk, too. What kinda shitty parents does this kid have?"

"N'parents," the young blond slurred. "Am 'lone. Am super ninja! Y'bedder watchit, Imma kick y'ass."

"Hear that, Kaku? He's threatening us," Takai shook his head mock-ruefully. "I think we need to teach him a lesson in manners, but lessons aren't free, you know. Why don't you give us everything you got, and we'll teach you how to act right and proper."

"Yeah, right-" Kaku put a strong hand on Naruto's shoulder, only for the boy's knees to buckle, coincidentally driving his shoulder right into the older man's groin. Kaku folded like a cheap chair, his face paling as he let out a high-pitched squeal.

Takai blinked blankly, watching his partner in crime collapse to the ground. "...What the-hey! No one hurts my friend but me!" He lunged at the boy now leaning against the wall, drawing a fist back to strike.

Naruto slipped, sending him to the ground just as the criminal's knuckles sailed through the space his head had just occupied, barely ruffling his hair before impacting the brick wall with a crunch. Takai let loose a keening howl of pain, clutching his ruined hand to his chest and glaring at the swaying child through watery eyes. "You little shit! I'll kill you!" He tried to growl, but it came out as a whimper as he fumbled at his belt, withdrawing a puny knife with a quiet _shink._

"My my," an older voice cut in, making the thug whip around to face the source. It was a man, larger and taller, with grey hair pulled into a neat topknot, his face hidden in the shadows of the night. "Two men failing to waylay a child, and a drunk one at that. And to think, I believed one could sink no lower."

"Shut up, old man!" Takai shouted, turning to face the other man and brandishing his knife. "Or I'll gut you!" Something impacted the back of the thug's head, breaking apart and spilling shards down his back.

"H-hey!" Naruto slurred, pointing a finger at the thug. "Leave m'jiji 'lone! Ya jerk!"

Takai's face went slack before he collapsed to the ground, knocked out cold. The old man chuckled warmly, stepping over the body to kneel by Naruto, his face creased in a gentle smile. "You have good aim, child. Tell me, what are you doing out here by yourself? And drunk?"

"Some guy tol' me to drrrink it!" The blond kid replied with wobbly grin. "Said it'deded make me Super Ninja! I wanna be…a souper ninja…"

The older man scowled for a brief second, before smiling once again. "Someone told me something similar, once," he said kindly, "Why don't you come with me, child? As you can see, it's rather dangerous to go alone. What is your name?"

"Am Nar'to!" Naruto declared proudly, staggering in a non-existent breeze. "Nar'to Uzamki! Amma be Ho-hokagi. Best kagi ever."

"You have great ambitions, Naruto," the old man replied, holding out his hand. "Let's get you into a warm bed for the night. Tomorrow, we'll talk."

"What'd 'bout you?" The child asked curiously, tilting his head and nearly overbalancing. "What's yer name?"

"My name is Genji, Naruto. It's a pleasure to meet you."

…

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Sarutobi asked, arching an eyebrow at Naruto.

"You don't recognize the name?" Naruto replied, frowning at the Hokage. "Thought you were called 'the Professor?'"

Hiruzen gave the younger man a deadpan look and flicked a chopstick at him. "I _am_ The Professor, smartass," he shot back with a small grin. "And 'Genji' is a common name. I could go outside, throw my pipe in any direction and hit three Genji's."

"Ah," Naruto shrugged, taking another sip of his flask. "Anyway, after I woke up, I found the old man sitting by my bed with breakfast nearby. He wanted to know where I was from and if I wanted to go back, since my meandering didn't take me all that far. But he made an intriguing offer…"

"…Are you going to tell me what it was?" Hiruzen asked after a moment of silence.

Naruto jumped in his seat, giving a sheepish. "Heh, I forgot you can't see my flashbacks. So here's what happened…"

…

"You're saying a man convinced you that sake was 'super ninja juice,' got you drunk enough to wander out of the village…and you _want_ to go back there?" Genji asked carefully.

Naruto, bouncing on the bed, nodded rapidly. "Yup! How else am I gonna be Hokage if I'm not in Konoha? Ya know, the place where the Hokage is?"

The older man stroked his short grey beard thoughtfully. "Here's an idea, Naruto: Why don't you journey with me for a while, and I'll teach you in the ways of combat. Then, if you still want to return, I will take you back, confident that you can protect yourself." He withdrew an ornate stone flask with dragons carved into it and took a drink, noticing out of the corner of his eye that the kid was watching him suspiciously.

"Why would you do that?" Naruto asked, not quite jumping on the bed but rocking in place, "I mean, you helped me and that was nice and you're really cool and all, but why train me?"

Genji leaned in, his dark grey eyes firm. "Because last night, I saw something in you. It might've been simple luck or natural talent, but you are suited for a fighting style I, myself, am a master of: Suiken, The Art of the Drunken Fist." He smiled gently. "And I wish to see that talent grow."

"But I didn't even do anything!" The blond protested, pausing in thought, "Besides drink the Super Ninja Juice. And it didn't even make me feel super at all…just _really_ good."

"Ah, but that is part of the style," the old man replied, stroking his beard, "A Master, like myself, appears as a drunken stumbling fool while retaining our dexterity, strength and skill. There are some who _need_ the right amount of alcohol to access their full range of skills; I believe that is what happened to you, Naruto. All I wish to nurture that talent, and give it room to grow. What do you say?"

Naruto stilled, gazing at the man with surprisingly sober eyes. "Will it make me a super-awesome ninja?" He asked seriously.

Genji chuckled warmly. "Great ninja rely on misdirection to succeed. One might say that Suiken was tailor-made for ninja."

Nodding firmly, the nine-year old stuck his hand out. "I accept!" he stated, shaking Genji's hand. "Teach me!"

The older man laughed, uncapping his flask and pouring two measures of sake into a pair of dishes. "Let's celebrate," he said, lifting his dish in a toast.

Naruto clinked his dish against Genji's and slurped the sake down, coughing as it hit his throat. "That's spicy," he gasped.

"Indeed, it's a special type that can only found in one place," his new teacher replied, observing as the alcohol hit the boy's system, almost visibly calming him down. "The first lesson, I think, is drinking etiquette. It's simple: You chug from a jug, and sip from a dish."

…

"I won't bore you with the fine details," Naruto continued, stuffing a wooden pipe carved into the shape of a dragon with tobacco and lighting it. "But after I accepted, we traveled around for a week or two while I learned The Way of the Drunken Fist."

"And this involved giving a child easy access to alcohol, yes?" Hiruzen asked with a disapproving frown, puffing away on his pipe.

The blond hummed, blowing a smoke ring as he leaned back in his chair. "That's something I was gonna mention," he held up his flask and shook it, the sake inside sloshing about. "About a week in, I was still convinced sake was 'super-ninja juice,' so I kept trying to sneak some when I thought Genji-ji wasn't paying attention. He tried to wean me off of it, but then we learned something…"

…

Genji sighed deeply as he watched Naruto sip from the dish of sake he'd just poured. "You're too young to be an alcoholic," he muttered, stroking his beard. "I don't know why you enjoy it so much, either. Most children hate the bitter sting."

Naruto licked his lips in satisfaction, brushing his blond hair out of his eyes. "I didn't like it at first, but now I really do!" he chuckled, stretching out on the ground with a sigh as his sore muscles let out pleasant aches. "And it helps me relax after a long day of training, Genji-ji."

The old man perked up, his grey eyes flashing thoughtfully. "It does, doesn't it," he said to himself, observing the relaxing kid. "Naruto, I want to see something. Once you finish your dish, I want you to meditate and see how fast you sober up."

The blond emptied his dish and set it aside with a shrug. "Sure thing, old man."

They fell into silence as Genji observed his student, noticing that, after nearly twenty minutes, Naruto subtly began to shift restlessly. And ten minutes after that, the kid was nearly vibrating with repressed energy. Wordlessly, the old man refilled the dish and passed it to Naruto, who chugged it like a man dying of thirst.

Immediately, he settled down and went still.

"Naruto," Genji said after a few more cycles. "I want you to read this," he held up a thin, well-worn book, passing it over with a flick of his wrist. "I want you to read it twice. Once, without any sake, and the second time with."

"Alright," Naruto replied, bouncing in place.

Thirty minutes later, he set it down and whipped around to look at his teacher. "What did the main character do in chapter three?" Genji asked carefully.

"There was uh, uh a dragon I think? Yeah, a water dragon!" The child replied, tapping his chin in thought. "And then he got all sad and stuff and had some kind of…birthday party?"

"Mm," Genji hummed thoughtfully, filling the dish once more. "Again."

Naruto downed the sake and opened the book again, this time finishing in only ten minutes. At his teacher's look, he shrugged. "It was easier this time," he said simply, sipping from his dish. "And in chapter three, Ryu finds a water dragon that grants him power, then celebrates the anniversary of his wife's death."

"I see," his teacher nodded, stroking his beard. "Well, it seems you are one of _them,_ my student."

"One of who?"

"The lucky few whose wits are sharpened, not dulled when drinking." Genji explained easily. "It also means your training can continue apace…you lucky bastard."

…

"…And that's why I drink!" Naruto concluded cheerfully, toasting the sky before taking several gulps from his flask. "Well one of the reasons, anyway. If'm being completely honest, it's a little annoying how quickly I sober up. I've never been able to get black-out drunk and believe me, I've tried."

Hiruzen stared at him for a few silent seconds. Then, he pushed over his saucer. "I think I'll take that drink now," he stated stoically. As the teen across from him poured a measure of subtly orange sake into the dish, his eyes were fixed on the flask in his hands. Taking the saucer, he sipped slightly, his widening in surprise. "This is good sake, Naruto. Do I detect a hint of cinnamon?"

"And a few other spices," the blond replied, leaning back in his chair. He arched an eyebrow as Sarutobi coughed and pointed at the flask meaningfully. "What?"

"We've been here for…" He checked the clock above the door, "Nearly four hours now, Naruto. And in that time, you've drunken nearly a gallon of sake. While that flask is rather large, it should've been emptied thrice over, and for some reason my mind keeps fixating on the engraved patterns. I'd like to know why."

Naruto grinned, sitting up and setting the flask on the desk, the outside sunlight playing across intricately detailed carving of a dragon. "Now that's a story I'd love to share," he said, wiggling his eyebrows mysteriously. "It goes back thousands of years, way before chakra, way before the myths we know of today. And it all began…with Dragons."

…

"What do dragons have to do with anything?" asked Naruto, scratching his head as Genji made himself comfortable against a tree trunk.

"Everything, my boy, everything," his teacher replied seriously, setting the stone flask between them. "While the stories tell of giant, magnificent, flying, fire-breathing lizards, the truth is much more mystical, though no less magnificent. These dragons are not lizards, and only one breathes fire. They are not mortal creatures, but the ideas, the conceptions, the _pure_ expressions of the Elements of our world. Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Metal and Wood. Separately, they are powerful, wielding their element as naturally as we breathe, for it is who they are. Together, there was no force that could stand against them."

Genji set a shallow bowl next to the fire, filling it with sake from his flask and sprinkling a mysterious dust into it. Naruto gave him a confused look until his teacher snapped his fingers and the bowl began to billow out clouds of thick white smoke.

"But the Dragons, as the Elements they represent, cannot always cooperate. Fire burns wood; water drowns fire; wood consumes water; earth is unmoved by wind; metal cuts wood; water rusts metal and so on and so forth." The smoke formed into long, sinuous shapes that bled the elements, repeatedly battling each other to stalemate. "For centuries, the Dragons fought with one another, never winning or losing until as one, they decided to separate and find their own homes."

The Dragons circled around each other warily before peeling off and disappearing beyond the edge of the bowl, leaving a smoking village to rise in their place. "Despite the tenuous peace between the Dragons, the human world was at war. Constant, unending war, the ambition of warlords clashing, leaving chaos in their wake until one rose…and then fell to another." Battles played out before them, humanoid figures fighting and killing one another until one stood above them all, only to be cut down by another. "It was during this time that two brothers emerged, wandering warriors who trusted only each other and sought only to live in solitude. Their skills with the swords they carried became known as they traveled, bringing the attention of envious warriors and ambitious warlords, who sought their skills and deaths in equal measure."

Two figures emerged from the smoke, both carrying a katana and a wakizashi at their waists, their faces hidden by conical straw hats, almost indistinguishable except that one wore blue and the other, green. "Through their ability and their trust in one another, they prevailed against all who sought them…until one fateful night, they were waylaid by a caravan of traveling merchants. Although wary, the brothers spent the night among the merchants, enjoying their hospitality, falling into a comfortable slumber."

Naruto bit his lip, restraining himself from interrupting the story as the smoky brothers laid side-by-side and slept peacefully. "Only, the merchants were no merchants. They were bounty hunters who sought the gold placed on their heads. And as they slept, the hunters went to take their lives. But the younger brother awoke, sensing the wrongness in the air, and went to wake his brother, only to be attacked. The cacophony of combat woke the older brother, and in his waking state, did not see the hunter encroaching upon him from behind…but his brother did. Throwing himself upon the hunter, the younger brother saved the other…but at the cost of his life."

Genji watched with dull grey eyes as the figure of the younger brother tackled the hunter, the hilt of a knife sticking from his stomach as he slumped to the ground, the older brother rushing to his side. "Unable to do anything but hold him as he died, the older brother felt true sorrow and rage, losing his mind to grief. In his anger, he took up their swords and cut down all who attacked, until the remainder fled before his wrath." The older brother dropped to his knees, visibly sobbing into his hands as blood stained his clothes. "Kneeling in blood of his beloved brother, he swore upon the ruined life staining his skin that he would find those responsible and murder them to a man."

Genji sighed deeply, taking a long pull from his flask. "Although he searched for years, the remaining brother could not find the last of the hunters, turning to bitter drink to soothe his sorrows. One night, after consuming enough to fall unconscious, the brother awoke to find himself among a field of smoking ashes, and to the screams of dying men and roaring flames. In his stupor, the brother had stumbled upon the home of the Fire Dragon, and the army attempting to capture it for their own uses." An army of smoke-men attacked the Fire Dragon, their weapons doing little to damage the creature, and much to irritate it. "As he watched, the Fire Dragon destroyed the men arrayed against it with ease, and fell to his knees as the Dragon turned its attention to him."

"'Do you desire my power as well, little human?' It asked, floating before the brother in all its furious, burning glory. 'No,' the brother replied, kneeling before the Dragon. 'I too, know what it is like to be wronged. I only wish to understand your power, so that I may wreak revenge on those who've slain my brother.'" Genji continued, deepening his voice to mimic the Dragon. "Intrigued, the Dragon allowed the brother to observe it, in time coming to understand how the being called upon the Element it was. When he sought to leave, the Dragon followed him, hiding inside his flask to avoid untoward attention. And when the brother finally found the remaining hunters, he drew upon his new power and reduced them to ash."

With one swing of his smoking sword, the brother unleashed a wave of flame that left nothing but ashes behind. "But as his revenge was complete, the brother felt no peace. For although they were dead, so too was his brother, and no amount of blood spilled would bring him back. Kneeling in the ashes of his hollow victory, the brother contemplated his own death, to join his brother in the afterlife, until the Fire Dragon spoke to him." The figure of the Dragon circled the kneeling brother, flames dancing along its scaled length. "'Why do you despair?' It asked the brother curiously. 'You have succeeded. Why are you not happy?' The brother replied, 'What good is vengeance, when it will not bring my brother back? What use is living without him?' Struck by his love and despair, the Dragon said, 'What of the other families, those still whole? With your power, you could save them. For all you suffered, you are one of many, and it was not the hunters who killed your brother, but those who war over the land.'"

"The brother drew his sword and sliced his hand, staining his blade with his blood and declared, 'In the ashes of my revenge, I swear that I will end these pointless wars so that no one will suffer what I have suffered.' And the Dragon, awed by his oath, offered its power freely, for though he could use fire to an extent, he could not control it as the Dragon could. 'Drink of my essence,' it said, 'and let our powers free this land from tyranny.' And thus, using ancient magic, the Dragon sealed itself inside his flask, and the brother set out to end the wars that had taken his brother."

Genji fell silent, leaving Naruto to contemplate what he heard. "That was a great story, old man," the kid said softly, brushing his hair back. "But really sad."

"It's not finished," his teacher replied roughly, taking a long drink from his flask. "I'm just thirsty." He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and smacked his lips. "Ah, that's better. Now, where was I? Oh, right…"

"Even with the Fire Dragon at his side, the brother was not strong enough to take on the warlords plaguing his land. One night, as he contemplated his actions, the brother asked the Dragon if it knew of other places one might acquire power. Hesitantly, it told him of its siblings, and told him where they could be found. 'But be warned,' it said, 'for my fellow Dragons are not as agreeable as I.'" The smoke figure of the brother journeyed across many lands, speaking with the Dragons of Water, Earth, Wind, Metal and Wood. "It took many years and many miles, the brother found and spoke with the Dragons, and asked them for their help. 'Why should we care?' They asked, 'We are feared and left alone. Why should we help you?'"

Genji rolled his shoulders as he sat up from the tree, sighing as his back cracked. "And the brother told them, 'They know of your power, yes, and fear it. But their envy outweighs their fear, and they will come for your power. But united as one, we may end their ambitions and bring true peace to the land.' One by one, the Dragons agreed, joining each other in the flask and granting their powers to the brother. With all the Dragons at his side, the brother drew upon their power and forged a set of armor and blades, imbuing them with pure power. Combined with the Dragons, his armor and his sword, the brother could control every element with ease. Entire armies fell before him, scorched into nothingness, ravaged by hurricanes, crushed beneath waves, swallowed by the ground, bound by grass and pierced by their own weapons. Even time and space bent to his whims."

Naruto watched, enraptured, as the armored figure destroyed armies with waves of his hands or casual swings of his swords. "And as the last warlord fell, the brother proclaimed peace across the land. 'No longer will we fight,' he declared. 'No more will we die for the whims of those who would conquer to sate their whims. To all those who would step forth and bring war, know this: I will be there to cut you down and keep the peace.' And so the brother left, and wherever would-be conquerors arose, he was there to destroy them and soon, the people bestowed a new title upon him: The Ultimate Dragon Warrior. And for many years, there was peace…" The smoke figure of the Warrior was whipped away by an errant breeze. "…Until, one day, he disappeared. Rumours began of how the Warrior had died of old age, his weapons, his armor and his Dragons scattered to the winds, and that he who could find them and bring them together, would become the next Ultimate Dragon Warrior."

Genji leaned back against the tree, clearing his throat softly. "And that's the end of the story," he said, sighing.

Naruto frowned, his eyes locked on the empty bowl, the sake having evaporated. "It's pretty good," he murmured, scratching his cheek. "But kinda sad, too. Nice legend, though."

"My student," Genji chuckled, holding the flask out to him, the light of the fire playing over the intricately carved dragon. "Who said anything about a legend?" The eyes of the Dragon flared with inner fire.

…

"…Are you serious?" Hiruzen asked bluntly. "Dragons comprised of the elements, granting immense power? That sounds…"

Naruto gave him a dry look. "Didn't a giant fox made of chakra attack this place fourteen years ago?" he asked blandly, "Y'ain't got room to talk, old man. And yes, I am entirely serious. What do you think I was doing in the Fire Country?"

"…Coming home?" The Hokage offered with faint embarrassment.

The blond chuckled and shook his head. "Nope," he replied, taking a deep drink of his flask. "I was tracking down the Water Dragon and I managed to seal it. Your ANBU found me while I was celebrating."

Hiruzen sat up in his chair, his grey eyes sharpening. "You did? How?" he asked incredulously.

…

The cavern was silent except for the whisper of water running over stones long since smoothed, flowing from an underground stream. Beards of knotted moss descended from the ceiling, forming natural green curtains under a long stone archway.

The peace was broken by a faint, echoing whoop that grew in volume until a figure burst through a wall, landing in the stream with a loud splash. Naruto flipped the hair out of his face and jumped to his feet with a laugh. "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" He shook himself dry, retrieving his flask from his sash and taking a deep drink.

"That was quite foolish," a low, sibilant voice hissed in his ear. Smoke emerged from the mouth of the flask, coalescing and curling together into the sinuous shape of dragon before bursting into flames. "There could've been a trap at the bottom! Or no bottom at all! You need to be more cautious, Naruto."

"If it was something bad, I would've dealt with it," the blond reasoned, scanning the interior of the cavern with an easy eye. "And it wasn't, so don't worry about it Hosei."

"Well _someone_ has to keep your safety in mind!" the Fire Dragon huffed, narrowing its eyes on the overgrown archway, "And these shrines always have some sort of trap in them, so be wary."

"Yes _mom,_ I'll be careful," Naruto shot back, running a hand through his soaking hair, "And I'm guessing, since it's the only other thing in the room, that arch has something to do with the Water Dragon's prison. So what, do I have to break it or something?"

"These places are rarely that simple," Hosei retorted, circling around Naruto to peer over his shoulder as booming voice rang out.

" _ **WHO DARES ENTER THE FORBIDDEN SHRINE?!"**_ It shouted, the cavern shaking slightly.

"Naruto Uzumaki, I'm here to set the Water Dragon free!" The blond replied cheerfully, taking a pull from his flask. "And quiet down will ya, you'll cause a cave-in."

" _ **THE INTRUDER SEEKS TO FREE THE DRAGON! GUARDIANS, ARISE AND DEFEND THE SHRINE!"**_ The voice cried, strange runes lighting up along the arch, dislodging centuries of moss. The stone floor cracked, water spouting up and swirling together into humanoid forms.

"Alright!" Naruto laughed, rolling his shoulders and falling into a loose, stumbling stance. "And here I thought today was gonna be boring!"

"Naruto," Hosei sighed as the blond staggered away from a wild strike, dropping and spinning around to backhand the elemental's midsection, breaking it apart into halves that splashed against the ground. "They're made of _water_ , you dummy, why are you punching them?"

The drunken blond ran his soaked hand through his hair, rivulets of water streaming down his tanned face. "It's refreshing," he answered with a grin, taking his flask up and spinning it in his palm. "But I can catch a shower later. Now, I need get all fired up!" With that said, he drank deep and long, pulling away from the mouth with an audible pop.

Naruto exhaled smoke, heat waves emanating from his skin as his eyes opened, burning with inner fire. He drew back and unleashed a roar, a river of flames pouring from his mouth to engulf two of the elementals. The third attacked fearlessly, its arm deforming into a long whip that Naruto ducked and retaliated with a kick, a crescent of orange scything out from his foot to carve through the water guardian.

A section of the runes flashed then faded with a crackle of energy, leaving two-thirds of the writing still active. "Ha! That's what I call 'too hot to handle!'" the blond crowed even as four more elementals sprung up from the ground and attacked.

He lunged at them and struck, tongues of fire lashing out to evaporate the guardians and scorch the rock. One by one, the guardians fell to flame, another section of the runic seals fading. The last section shone brighter than the others as a deep rumble shook the cavern, water pouring out of the wall in greater volumes, coalescing together with a gurgling roar into an elemental three times the size of the previous.

"Huh," Naruto said blithely, "Big guy." He skipped forward to thrust both hands out, launching a fireball that met the elemental and exploded into a cloud of steam. "Well, the bigger they are, the harder-"

A high-pressure stream of water erupted from within the cloud, slamming into Naruto and driving him back against the wall. He pushed himself up, brushing the soaked hair out of his eyes as the guardian growled a challenge, its arm reforming from the steam.

Naruto lunged forward with his fists alight, unleashing tongues of flame with every kick and punch that impacted the water elemental, bursting into clouds of steam that were simply pulled back together inside its swirling body. As he launched a foot into its side, the guardian burst apart into shrieking water spout, grasping onto his leg and pulling him inside the standing whirlpool.

The blond struggled against the chaotic current, the air being driven from his lungs as the elemental slammed itself against the wall, slowly but surely drowning him inside of it. Pulling on the vestiges of the fire inside him, Naruto concentrated the power into ball in his chest and unleashed it, bursting out of the guardian with a wave of flames that threw him across the room.

Flipping to land on his feet, the drunk skidded to a stop, glaring at the reforming water elemental before nodding once. "Tricky bastard," he muttered, pulling his flask from his sash and popping the top. "Hosei! It's time for Spicy Spit!" As the sinuous form of the Fire Dragon burst to life behind him, Naruto poured sake into his mouth, his cheeks swelling to comical proportions.

The elemental guardian surged forward with a roar, its arm deforming into a long whip as it struck out, crashing against the wall as Naruto dove to side and came up, spitting his mouthful of sake into it.

It didn't do anything except add to the guardians' volume, thus it was ignored as the elemental continued to attack. The blond took in more mouthfuls of alcohol even as he dodged, spitting more and more into the elemental's body until he dove away, coming up with a grin. "Gotcha." He said simply, nearly inhaling sake from his flask and spitting it at the guardian as Hosei breathed a tongue of fire, the two intersecting and colliding with the elemental.

Unlike the previous attacks, the elemental was lit up with molten fire boiling inside of it. The guardian thrashed and roared, breaking apart and reforming over and over again as it tried to extinguish the flames burning inside, to no avail. The last runes at the apex of the archway shone with unhealthy light before burning out, the guardian losing shape and sentience to splash onto the ground, defeated.

Holding a hand out to the still burning fire, Naruto slowly closed his fist, extinguishing the flames with a quiet hiss. "Spicy Spit," he chuckled, swallowing a mouthful of sake. "Works every time."

"Considering this is the first time you fought a water elemental and won?" Hosei snarked, spinning around his shoulders. "Then yes, it _has_ worked every time. Also, you need a better name for that."

Approaching the smoking archway, Naruto stepped through it and found himself at the bottom of a short stone staircase. "Like what, 'Liquid Fire?' 'Inferno Spit?'"

"'Liquid Inferno' sounds nice," Hosei admitted, following him as he ascended the stairs. At the top sat a thick stone chest, runes carved into every surface, with a naked grey skull hovering in over the handle.

" _ **YOU WILL SUFFER A MILLION DEATHS FOR THIS SACRILEGE!"**_ The skull shouted, its jaw moving as it spoke. " _ **YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE HAVOC-"**_

With his left hand, Naruto drew a red-handled wakizashi and stabbed the skull in the forehead. "Shush now, I won," he rebuked casually, giving the short sword a sharp twist, shattering the skull. "Don't be a sore loser."

Behind him, the archway crumpled to the ground, a hole opening in the rocky ceiling as a veritable deluge of water flooded into the cavern.

"What did I _just_ say?" The blond grumbled, grasping the handle and ripping the chest open. Inside, the watery blue form of a dragon slowly swirled in a continuous figure-eight, releasing the soothing notes of a gentle stream that was drowned out by the torrent pouring in overhead. "Hello, Water Dragon! My name's Naruto and I'm here to set you free!"

With a cute yawn, the Water Dragon broke out of its loop and peered up at him, blinking slowly. "Oh hello," it greeted him politely. "I wondered what all the bother was about. It's nice to see a new face, even if you're trying to take my power like the last one. Are you aware that there is a trap prepared to kill any who open my prison?"

A wall collapsed inward as even more water poured into cavern, adding more volume to the growing flood. "I'm aware," Naruto answered calmly. "And I'm not here to take your power, just-"

"We can trade backstories and motivations later!" Hosei shouted, flying up to glare at the Water Dragon."Get us out of here!"

The Water Dragon turned its nose up with a huff. "Oh, it's _you_ ," it grumbled, before peering over the lip of the chest to see the incoming flood. "Oh dear, that is quite dangerous for you, isn't it? Well, I suppose you _did_ set me free, so I will help you."

Hosei burned out of existence as the Water Dragon flowed up and into the mouth of the flask, the stone dragons carved into the sides gaining a silvery sheen. Naruto drank deeply, pulling back with a gasp and a smack of his lips. "Refreshing," he muttered, blinking as a film of water appeared to pour over his eyes. "Woah."

" _Please relax and let me take control,"_ the Water Dragon's soft voice whispered inside his head. " _I will ensure your safety."_

The blond settled into his own body with quiet amusement as his hand rose up to point at the incoming wall of water, only for it to split around him like he was standing in the eye of a maelstrom. Within a minute, the underground cavern was completely filled with water except for the small bubble of air around Naruto's body. With graceful, flowing movements, his body slipped through the water, traveling up through the flooded tunnels in the earth to emerge into the open air.

Naruto shook himself as the cool presence of the Water Dragon faded from his mind, emerging from his flask to float before him. "You have my thanks for setting me free," it said gratefully, dipping its head briefly. "But the question remains: what do you want from me, if not my power?"

"Alright, it's like this-"

…

"-Long story short, I convinced the Water Dragon to help me and I got drunk to celebrate!" Naruto concluded with a grin. "Then your ANBU over there grabbed me and dragged me all the way back here. Why were they out there, anyway?"

"I've sent a team out every few months for the past five years in the hope of finding you," Hiruzen replied faintly, "Seems I need to give them a bonus. So, to summarize, some _bastard_ got you drunk and let you wander out of the village, you ran into a Master of the Drunken Fist style of fighting who took you in as a student, which somehow led to you becoming some sort of adventuring archaeologist searching for six prisons containing powerful dragons and getting them to join you in doing…what?"

The blond shrugged. "I'unno, something cool probably. They at least deserve to be free, you know." He paused thoughtfully. "'Adventuring Archaeologist'…I like the sound of that."

The Sandaime Hokage opened his mouth, hesitated, then soldiered on. "I notice that you didn't mention this Genji while you searched for the Water Dragon," he pointed out carefully.

It was like the windows of an open house being shuttered as Naruto's face went blank. "I don't wanna talk about it," he replied gruffly, taking a deep swig from his flask.

Hiruzen nodded. "I understand. You also haven't explained why you're older, either."

If asking about his teacher was bad, that question made it worse. "Time travel's a hell of thing," the blond said softly, reaching up to his necklace before dropping his hand. "It's hard to explain. I'll tell you some other time."

The Sandaime recognized the loss carefully hidden by Naruto's whiskered visage and decided to move on. "I won't push you, Naruto, though I do wonder: are you still interested in being a ninja?"

Naruto dropped the hand holding the flask he had lifted to his lips, giving the older man an incredulous look. "What part of 'Adventuring Archaeologist' dontcha get, old man? I'm going to find the other Dragons imprisoned in other lands. I can't exactly go searching for them if I'm a Konoha ninja." He shrugged. "I don't know for certain, but up and leaving isn't something Hidden Villages usually smile on, is it?"

Hiruzen bobbed his head thoughtfully. "You're not wrong, but I have a few answers for that. See, as capable as you seem to be, you can't watch your back by yourself, dragons notwithstanding. It would be smarter to operate with a team who could synergize with your skills, making it easier to accomplish your goal. Plus, they'd be able to record architecture, this runic script you described and much more." He gave Naruto a dry stare. "These are relics of a forgotten age, and they don't call me The Professor for nothing. I'd love to learn more about this time of myth and dragons."

The blond shrugged noncommittally. "You've got a point, but I'd have to hope whatever missions I got would take me where I want to go. Not to mention it'd cut into my drinking time."

The Sandaime blinked incredulously. "I could pull together a squad, perhaps a rotating one, dedicated to studying these prisons and our pasts - it's about time someone does, after all. You'd have free reign to continue your search, as long as you complete a mission or two. Besides, it's smarter to have a home base to operate out of, a place to keep all your information organized." He paused in thought. "And you'd get paid."

"That _is_ nice," Naruto agreed, peering questioningly at the old man. "Can you actually do that, though?"

Hiruzen smirked, interlacing his fingers in front of his mouth. "I'm the Hokage. This is _my_ Village. I can do what I want." He shrugged. "And our history is important."

"Those are all pretty good points," the blond began, sitting up in his chair to meet the Hokage's eye evenly. "But those aren't the only reasons you want me here, are they?"

"No, they're not," he conceded with a nod. "I admit with no shame that I've missed you dearly, my boy, and I always thought of you as a grandson. Maybe I just want to make sure you're safe and cared-for for entirely selfish reasons, is that so bad?"

Naruto chuckled. "Not really, I appreciate the honesty." He cocked his head to the side, as if listening to voices that only he could hear…because he was. "The Dragons agree that having a base of operations is wise, but they're leery of being small cogs in a big machine. Or being cogs at all. They want a sworn statement or a contract that outlines whatever the whole deal is."

The Sandaime nodded, allowing a warm smile to crinkle his features. "I'll draw one up tonight, if you're willing to wait until tomorrow."

The blond stood from his chair, offering the older man his hand and a grin. "I am, though I don't have anywhere to stay for the night." He was briefly surprised as Hiruzen circled the desk and wrapped him in a deceptively strong hug.

"Of course you do!" The Hokage replied with a laugh, "You can stay with me and my family for as long as it takes! I'm just glad you're back, Naruto."

Naruto squeezed him back, chuckling slightly. "It's good to be back, Jiji."

…

…

…

 **A/N: What was that? You said something about me being inconsistent? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me being inconsistent.**

 **Look at me, saying I'd work on Console next. HA! Nope, I worked on this idea instead, because tempting fate is apparently something I just do. I wanted to work on Console, a fairly serious super-hero story set in Worm, but then my muse was like 'no, drunken anime shenanigans!'**

 **So yeah, the Legend of the Drunken Dragon. It's a story I've had on my mind for a while now, about an older Naruto who searches for the Elemental Dragons and the Artifacts of the Dragon Warrior, with some drunken shenanigans, flirting, action and adventure in-between. Hope you like it, I'm a bit leery of Naruto stuff ever since I kinda gave up on the JotWE. Mostly because I feel like I didn't do the concept justice and am slightly ashamed.**

 **Also, imagine Naruto being voiced by Steve Blum, it really helped get the dialogue flowing for me.**

 **Kurogane: That actually fits…**

 **Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chap and the new story, make sure to let me know! And big thanks as always to NorthSouthGorem, Kurogane7 and Dariegh for all the help and support, give them a look-see! (I hear a certain someone's going to update. wink-wink.)**

 **Stay Awesome.**

 **~Soleneus**

 **P.S.: I'm just gonna head of a few questions here: Yes, Naruto joined Konoha. No, I'm not going to be 'bashing' anyone; yes, they'll get called out for doing something stupid, but I'm not going to torture someone for the sin of being a character I don't like. Besides Naruto leaving, a** _ **lot**_ **of things have changed, so he won't just slot-in perfectly into the dynamics.**

 **And I know someone's gonna go, 'but Sol, you put too many X in here! You're just a X with sick fantasies!'**

 **First off, kiss the back of my hand and get out, I don't take no back-sass! Second, it's only the second chapter, you've haven't seen everything!**

 **Also yes, that last question was a hypothetical future question from the second chapter. If it confused you, I'm not sorry.**

 **And I'm not going to be saying what I'm working on next. I ain't teabagging that bee-hive any longer.**

 **Stay Awesome Some More.**

 **~still Soleneus**


	2. First Day of Ninja Learnin'

The Academy door was open, as it always was that early in the morning. The genin at the front desk barely looked up from her book as she walked by, and she resisted the urge to giggle as she climbed the steps and wiggled the doorknob to her classroom. Finding it unlocked, she slipped inside and descended the stairs with a quiet cackle, snagging an eraser from the chalkboard and the chair from behind the teacher's desk. Standing on the chair, she balanced the eraser on top of the teacher's door, jumping down and scurrying underneath the desk to set up a small launcher and its payload.

Rubbing her hands gleefully, she skipped up the stairs and withdrew a bucket half filled with glitter and a spool of wire from a hiding place, and set about placing the bucket on top of the door and creating a simple pulley system. You see, when someone pushed the door open, the wire attached to the door knob would pull on the bucket, dumping small measures of glitter on to the people coming in. And if, say, a certain someone kicked open the door, well it would be a shame if the contents of the bucket would be poured on their head, wouldn't it?

Bouncing excitedly on her heels, she didn't notice a bedraggled form roll over on the chairs at the next row of desks. With a silent huff, Naruto awoke to the sight of a taut, athletic rear clad in tight black shorts jiggling slightly as the owner rocked on her chair. "Well, that's a great view to wake up to."

The girl squeaked in surprise and almost jumped off the chair, nearly tipping over as she wildly windmilled her arms, eventually managing to regain her balance. Spinning around, she found him lying on the chairs like a bench, looking up at her with sparkling blue eyes and a lazy, good-natured smile. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she said quickly, flashing him a nervous smile. "I didn't know anyone else was in here!"

"S'alright," he waved her off, sitting up with a jaw-cracking yawn as he stretched his arms, getting a series of cracks for his efforts. "Whatcha doin'?"

She giggled guiltily, hiding a blush behind her sleeve. "Hehe, oh, you know, just setting up a few non-lethal traps for my fellow genin. Gotta keep 'em on their toes, y'know?" She rubbed her hands together nervously. "You-uh, you won't tell anyone, right?"

Naruto gave her a friendly wink. "'Course not. It'd pretty rude of me to stop you from helping your classmates," he paused in thought. " _My_ classmates too, I guess." Rummaging in his sash, he withdrew his flask and took a drink as the girl hopped down and took a seat next to him.

"Sorry to pry, but do I know you?" She asked with a curious tilt of her head. With her dark hair, pale skin and white, pupil-less eyes that had just a hint of lavender, it was really quite adorable. "I can't help but think we've met before, but I think I would've remembered meeting a cutie like you," she finished with a mischievous grin.

"Yeah, you look familiar to me, too," Naruto muttered, scratching the side of his head in thought. With a shrug, he held his hand out to her. "I'm Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki. Nice to meetcha."

She took his hand and shook it firmly, but held onto it as his name finally sunk in. "I'm Hinata…" She began, trailing off as she suddenly remembered where she'd seen him before. "You're that boy!"

"Am I?" He asked amusedly, glancing at their joined hands. Bringing them up, he kissed her knuckles. "'Hinata,' huh? Nice name. Fitting, too."

Flushing deeply, Hinata withdrew her hand and tapped her forefingers together nervously. "T-thanks," she stammered, taking a deep breath to soothe her nerves. "I remembered meeting you a long time ago. Do you recall that time when a couple of kids were picking on a little girl?"

…

"P-please, I'm s-sorry!" A much younger, smaller Hinata cried, a hand on her reddening cheek as she knelt on the ground, her cute lavender yukata getting stained by the dirt and grass. "I-I don't k-know what I did, b-but I'm s-sorry!"

"You're gonna be even more sorry when we're done with you!" A boy, two years older than her wearing a red shirt and white shorts, his orange hair puffing out around his head. "You think you're better than us, Hyuga?! Just 'cause we're civilians doesn't mean we're weak!"

"Yeah!" Two boys with plain features chanted behind him, sneering victoriously as the older boy stomped toward her. "Get 'er, Taku!"

"We don't need your help!" Taku growled, lifting a foot menacingly. "We don't need you lookin' down your nose at us!"

"Hey!" A pebble bounced off the older boy's head, making him stumble away with a cry of pain. Through tear-filled eyes, Hinata looked up to find a boy her age with a shock of blond hair standing with his hands on hips, glaring at the boys with narrowed blue eyes. "Whatcha think you're doing, huh?! You havin' fun, pickin' on a girl who didn't do anything?!"

"Shut up, freak!" Taku screeched, rubbing his head furiously. "You don't know nothin'! Get outta here before we beat you-!"

Naruto dashed forward and jumped, sinking his foot into the bully's belly. "Who cares!" He shouted, wincing as the older boy lashed out and winged him on his temple. "I'm not running! You don't scare me!" It was ungraceful, the very definition of brawling, but Naruto fought against Taku, taking a punch but returning it twofold, blackening the bully's eye. The blond stomped on Taku's foot and kicked him in the shin, taking a back-hand to the mouth that split his lip open.

Naruto growled and kneed Taku in the stomach before grabbing him around the ears and headbutting him visciously, knocking the bully on his back. The older boy sat up, dazed and hurt, reaching a hand up to feel his nose. Seeing the red on his skin, Taku's eyes welled up and he scrambled to his feet, running away as fast as he could. "You'll pay for that!" he whined, stumbling over an exposed tree root and face-planting in the dirt. With a loud sob, he crawled away. "I'm telling the teacher!"

The other boys watched him go before looking at Naruto fearfully. He glared at them and stepped forward, making the two yelp and run after the older boy. "That's right! Run, ya jerks! That's all you're good for!" He turned around, smiling broadly at an awe-struck Hinata. "Sorry 'bout that, but I couldn't let 'em pick on a pretty girl without doin' anything about it!" As if to punctuate this, he flashed her a thumbs-up and a wink.

"Oh! Um, t-thank you…" Hinata stammered, a red filling her cheeks as she glanced away, her eyes falling on the thin rivulet of blood spilling from his mouth. "You're hurt!"

"Aw this?" Naruto licked his lip and spat a bit of blood to the side, grinning widely. "Don't even worry about it, it's just a scratch! Now, I gotta go. I think _someone_ needs a new paint job!"

The young Hyuga blinked up at him. "B-but you'll get in trouble!" She said worriedly, her mind racing. _He defended me, I don't want him to get in trouble!_

The blond cocked his head in thought for a scant second before shrugging. "I get in trouble all the time!" he admitted cheerfully, "Don't worry about me, pretty girl! Prankster King, awaaaay!"

As he made to dash off, Hinata threw out a hand. "Wait!" She called, ignoring her embarrassment at raising her voice _in public_. "U-um, what's your name? Please?"

"Naruto Uzumaki!" He shouted, hitting her with another wide grin. "Remember the name, 'cause I'm gonna be Hokage one day!" Then he sprinted away, whooping at the top of his lungs.

Watching him go, Hinata poked her forefingers together as an indescribably warm feeling suffused her chest. Then, the blood rushed to her face and she nearly fainted as she realized what he'd said.

 _He called me pretty._

…

"Ha!" Naruto barked out a laugh, slapping the desk as he finally recalled that day. "I remember that now! That's right, I dumped a bucket of paint on that kid's head. Why _were_ they picking on you, by the way?" He turned a curious look on Hinata, who was still blushing and poking her fingertips together.

Instead of an answer, Hinata suddenly shook herself, staring at her fingers in betrayal. Then, she brought them to her mouth and bit down on them, hard enough to hurt but not draw blood. "Dammit, I thought I was over that habit," she muttered, flushing slightly as she found Naruto arching an eyebrow at her. "Oh, uh, sorry. I just…" Hinata shrugged helplessly. "Trying to break that habit. What was the question?"

The drunken blond reached into his sash and pulled a pre-made bento out, setting it on the desk. "Hungry?" he asked, flipping the lid off to reveal a row of taiyaki still steaming. "I was wondering why those kids were picking on you."

Taking one with a quiet 'thanks,' Hinata took a bite and sighed at the taste of warm red bean filling and sweet dough on her tongue. "Well," she said around a mouthful, "Those jackasses were having trouble with the leaf sticking exercise, so I tried to help them. Apparently, I was 'looking down my nose at the clanless nobodies,'" she snarked, rolling her eyes as she took another bite.

"Some people are just stubborn," Naruto shrugged, snagging his own taiyaki and tearing into it. "Sorry I didn't remember you, but that was several years, several drinks and several blows to the head ago. To be fair, you're completely different from back then."

The Hyuga kunoichi arched a delicate eyebrow at him. "Good different?" She asked carefully.

He winked at her cheerfully. "I think so," he replied easily. "You definitely look happier."

"I _am_ happier," she agreed, finishing off one fish-shaped snack before taking another. "Thanks for breakfast, by the way. If you don't mind me asking, why are you here so early? I mean, I always come here early so I can set up my prank-I mean, my 'non-lethal traps,'" Hinata hurriedly corrected herself, smiling brightly at him.

Naruto shrugged, sipping from his flask. "Couldn't sleep, decided I might as well do something useful and take a look at the classroom. Then I got tired and decided to take a nap," he answered simply before smirking playfully. "I will say, the view I woke up to was great."

Hinata blushed slightly, but gave as good as she got. "Well, I like what I see, too," she raked her eyes up and down his lean form and finished with a wink. They shared a friendly chuckle and finished their breakfast. "By the way, you want to get lunch with me later?" she asked around a mouthful of taiyaki. "I could show you the best stores, the new restaurants…the best _views…_ "

Naruto chuckled. "Very tempting, I won't lie-" he began, only to be interrupted by the door opening. A boy covered up almost completely by his beige jacket walked inside the classroom, not feeling the slight trickle of glitter into his hair, and gave them a slight nod. Choking back a laugh, they gave him a small wave in return and watched him take a seat on a lower level. "This is going to be an awesome day, isn't it?" The blond murmured to himself.

"Oh yeah," Hinata giggled, hiding her smile behind her sleeve. "Believe me, it hasn't even started."

They watched as more students entered the room, each receiving a small sprinkle of glitter in their hair as they passed under the bucket, giving Naruto a strange look as they saw him, before finding a seat and a friend.

As the room began to fill up, Naruto looked down at the teenagers sitting below him, frowning as a realization struck him. "I don't know who any of these people are," he said to himself.

"Don't worry, I know _everybody,_ " Hinata assured, leaning against his shoulder to whisper in his ear. "The boy in the jacket?" She pointed at said boy, who was sitting near an open window, staring intently at the ladybug perched on his finger. "That's Shino Aburame. His clan are like, hives for chakra-eating bugs. It's kinda creepy, but they've got the best silks in Fire Country. He's really quiet, but nice enough."

Her finger descended on a rotund boy steadily eating from a bag of chips, his cheeks marked with swirls. "The big guy is Choji Akimichi. His clan cook for and run the best eateries in Konoha, and use body-modifying jutsu. He's kinda lazy but nice, and he gets really angry when people call him fat." The window next to Choji slid open, and a lean teen with a dour face and brown hair pulled back into a spiky tail climbed through, taking a seat next to him. "That guy that just came in is Shikamaru Nara, of the Nara Clan. Most of them are really smart, but _super_ lazy. They use Shadow-controlling jutsu and have a huge herd of deer they take care of. I think they sell the antlers for medicine or something."

"Ya got alot of clan kids in this class, huh?" Naruto asked rhetorically, taking a sip from his flask.

"The most in one class in years," Hinata answered, before directing his attention to a purple-haired girl sitting in the front, leaning boredly on her hand. "That's Ami. I heard she's related to a really tough ANBU, but no one knows for certain. She used to be kind of a snot, but she's gotten better the last couple of months." Perking up, Ami turned around and spotted them looking at her, giving them a friendly wave. "Hey Ami," the Hyuga kunoichi greeted with a wiggle of her fingers.

The door opened again and in stepped a boy with messy brown hair, slit eyes and red fang-like marks on his cheeks. A medium-sized white dog trotted by his side, and thus avoided the glitter as it sprinkled into the human's hair. "Hey, Hinata!" He greeted cheerfully, his smile fading slightly as he saw the blond man sitting next to her. "…And other guy who I don't know."

"Hey Kiba," Hinata replied distantly, her attention focused on the dog as it bounded up to her. "Akamaru! Who's a big, strong doggie? That's right, you are! Yes you are!" She rubbed his head affectionately even as the dog licked at her fingers and yipped happily. "Oh, Akamaru, meet my new friend! His name is Naruto, he's really nice."

Kiba fixed Naruto with a searching look as his dog reluctantly slipped away from the Hyuga's friendly fingers and trotted towards the blond. Naruto gazed down at the dog, not backing away as he set his paws on the chair and stood, coming nose to nose with the human. The drunk blinked. "Well hi there." Akamaru sniffed at him, his wet nose tickling Naruto's cheeks before he huffed approvingly and started licking the blond's face. "Alright, alright!" Naruto chuckled, scratching the big puppy's neck. "Nice to meet you too, Akamaru."

Hinata beamed as her new friend played with her old one, her smiled fading slightly as Kiba descended down the steps and whistled for his dog. "C'mon, buddy, we're gonna sit with Shino," he said, snapping his fingers as Akamaru whined. "You can play with 'em later, come on, man!"

The dog finally acquiesced and departed the two with a final lick of their fingers, trotting off after his human partner. Wiping his face, Naruto glanced at Hinata and nodded at the pair. "Who're they?"

"The guy is Kiba Inuzuka, part of the Inuzuka Clan," she explained, wiping her hands off on the bottom of the desk. "They partner up with ninja dogs, ninken, which is what Akamaru is. They're a lot bigger, smarter and tougher than regular dogs, and they can use chakra. I heard some of them can even speak. The Clan as a whole are hunters and run most of the veterinary services and shelters."

"Must be pretty wild," the blond joked, getting a quiet giggle from Hinata.

"They can be," she nodded. Just then, the door at the bottom of the classroom opened quickly, the eraser dropping and being caught by an average-looking guy, his brown hair pulled back with the standard Konoha hitai-ate on his forehead, and a long scar that started on one cheek, crossed over the bridge of his nose and ended on the other.

"Really?" He said sourly, arching an eyebrow. "While I'm glad _whoever_ is pulling these pranks is starting to take them down a notch-" There was a quiet _thwip_ as the launcher hidden under his desk fired, its payload impacting his face and bursting in a cloud of paint. He sighed as the teenager started laughing, the pattern of the paint making him look like an old-fashioned geisha. "Dammit, Hinata."

"See, that's why I always arrive fashionably late," a silver-haired man joked, patting the teacher on the shoulder and guiding him out of the room. "You go get cleaned up and I'll call roll, alright Iruka?"

"Yeah," Iruka sighed, tossing the eraser on the desk and leaving with a huff. "One more month, one more month…"

The silver-haired man chuckled quietly, pulling a clipboard out of his vest. "Good morning, class!" he sang.

"Good morning, Mizuki-sensei!" the class chorused back, sounding bored already.

"Calm down, why don't you?" he sighed, clicking a pen. "We've got a little less than five minutes until the bell rings, so I'll take roll while we wait for our last arrivals, eh? Choji Akimichi!"

As he spoke, the student door slammed open, the bucket tilting over completely as two girl strode through the door arm-in-arm, grandly announcing, "We're he-!" Before they devolved into indignant shrieks as the remaining glitter poured down, coating them in the sparkly substance. One of the girls, a lithe athletic type with pink hair and green eyes turned on Hinata with a growl. "Hinata! I know it was you!"

Hinata stuck her tongue at them. "It wasn't me, Sakura, I've just been sitting here with my new friend!" She crossed her arms and sat back in her chair, giving Naruto a look. "And you didn't see me set up any pranks, right?"

"I did not, no," he answered calmly, which was true from a certain point of view. He'd seen _her butt_ as she finished securing the bucket, but he hadn't seen it all.

"Dammit, Hinata," the other girl, a well-shaped blonde with her long hair in a high ponytail, griped as she tried in vain to get the glitter out of her hair. "Now I look like a stripper!"

The Hyuga kunoichi smirked dryly. "Ino, you already-"

"-look like a stripper," Ino finished with a huff, "Ha ha, easy joke, shut up. This better wash out or I'm going to be _so_ nettled."

"Idiots," a stoic, feminine voice came from behind them. "I told you there was a prank set up on the door." The girl that emerged from the door was tall, with skin a few shades darker than Hinata and long black hair in a ponytail, her dark blue shirt straining slightly against a respectable chest, with off-white shorts showcasing some rather nice legs.

"Yeah, well, whatever," Ino huffed, her gaze falling on the scruffy blond sitting next to the class prankster. "Ohoho, and who's this?" She murmured huskily, slipping around Naruto's left to sit on the desk next to his arm. "Hi there, I'm Ino, Ino Yamanaka." She held a hand out to him, smiling in a rather predatory manner as he kissed her knuckles politely.

"Naruto," he replied simply. "Pleasure to meet you."

Ino chuckled throatily, leaning back on her hands as she surveyed him. "A gentlemen, eh? Well, the pleasure's _all_ mine, Na _ru_ to," she drawled seductively before nearly squealing as Sakura pushed her away by the face, sending her tumbling to the next floor below.

"Good god, Ino, can you hold off on the skanking for one damn minute?" she grouched, giving Naruto a sheepish shrug. "Sorry, she's kinda…flirty."

Naruto gave her a wink. "Hey, me too," he replied easily. "Us blondes have more fun, after all."

"Exactly!" The Yamanaka crowed, popping up as if she'd never been pushed. "See? Someone gets it!"

"Ahem." They all looked down to the desk, where Mizuki stood with his clipboard. "Thanks. Hinata Hyuga!"

"Here!" Hinata called, her white eyes locked into a staring contest with the dark-haired girl's coal black.

"You missed," she finally said with a minute smirk.

"I'll get you one of these days, Sasuke," the Hyuga muttered, grinning a challenge at the other girl.

"Uh huh," Sasuke replied dryly, her eyes flicking up to meet Naruto's for a brief second before she turned away and descended the steps to an empty row of seats. Sakura and Ino took the empty seats next to her, while Naruto leaned back in his seat with a thoughtful frown.

"So," he whispered to Hinata, "that girl down there…that's Sasuke Uchiha, right?"

The Hyuga prankster nodded. "Yeah, that's right. You remember her?"

Naruto hummed. "Yeah, but correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember him being a…well, _him_." He turned to her with a confused look. "Sasuke's a _girl_?"

"Surprised the hell outta us, too," Hinata concurred with a shrug. "We all thought she was a boy, but one day she comes in and she's got boobs growing in. I guess we just thought _she_ was a _he_ 'cause she's got a guy's name, but nope. All girl. And my _arch-enemy."_

"Arch-enemy?" The drunken blond asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I can never hit her with a prank, she somehow _always_ manages to avoid them," Hinata growled, clenching a fist and raising it dramatically. "But one day! One day I will have my Revenge!"

Mizuki sighed, looking up from his clipboard. "Hinata, will you stop? You're already gonna have to clean all this crap up afterwards, don't make me give you detention."

"Sorry, Sensei," the Hyuga shrugged, "I was being dramatic."

"Must be Tuesday," Mizuki muttered to himself before checking off the last name. "Alright, class, as you've no doubt noticed, we've got a new student…or a returning one, depending on how you look at it. Everybody, please welcome Naruto Uzumaki, he'll be joining the class in this last month before the Genin Tests."

As the class turned around to look at him, Naruto gave them a casual wave. "Hey," he said, taking a drink from his flask.

"Come on, Naruto," the silver-haired teacher, gesturing for him to rise. "Stand up and introduce yourself…and is that alcohol?"

"Fine," the blonde sighed, standing up from his seat. "And yes, it is. Alright, I'm Naruto Uzumaki, I used to live here about five years ago, I went on a jaunt around the countries for a bit and now I'm back. Hi."

"Hi." The class chorused back, but with a few confused looks. Iruka emerged from the teacher's door, still wiping his face with a wet rag. "Are we all set?" He asked Mizuki, getting a nod from his assistant. "Settle down, class, we've got a lot of reviewing to do before we break for physical training, so pay attention. Now, Konoha was formed a long time ago, when Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha came together…"

Sitting in his chair, Naruto sighed and withdrew a pencil and a notebook from his sash and began to take notes. He knew he'd be tested on it later, and while he'd gotten much better at focusing due to his constant state of slight inebriation, it only really worked when he was studying something interesting. And this was not.

And he already knew most of it.

A little more than two hours later, Iruka set his book down and took a deep drink of water. "Alright, class, head outside and we'll start the review on your physical training. Naruto, can you stay behind for a minute?" He turned to Mizuki. "Can you get them started? I'll be out in a bit."

"Sure thing," his old friend replied, clapping him on the shoulder. "Remember, he's just a regular kid with a few extra bits, alright?"

"I know, I know," Iruka waved him, turning a level look on the descending blond as his classmates escaped the room via the door and windows. "So, Naruto. I understand you've been away for a while, and that you probably weren't partaking in any sort of ninja training while you were gone. I'd like to know what you skills and abilities you have, so I can pull together a lesson plan and perhaps a tutor so you can catch up."

Naruto grunted affirmatively, taking a sip from his flask. "Alright, I can handle that," he muttered, scratching the back of his neck. "Like most non-ninja fighters, I've been trained to reinforce my body with chakra, as well as increase my speed and strength. I prefer to wander or mosey more than tree-hopping, but I can pick it up again pretty easily. I prefer to fight hand-to-hand, but I can handle a katana and wakizashi pair fairly well."

"If you don't mind me asking, how'd you pick that up?" Iruka questioned carefully, looking up from his note taking.

"The man I traveled with, he was a ronin and a Master of the Art of the Drunken Fist," the blond replied, sighing heavily as a frown tugged at his lips. "I wouldn't say I'm a Master since that implies I have nothing left to learn, but I could fight my sensei to a stand-still more often than not when using Suiken. I'm also fairly well-versed in a second style of fighting and I've recently picked up another." At the teacher's arched eyebrow, he explained, "Training and learning new styles are one of my hobbies."

"Mm," Iruka grunted, making a note. "So, as far taijutsu is concerned, you don't need any instruction there, though you will still be tested. Any skill with throwing weapons?"

Naruto shook his head. "Unless you count rocks, no. Sensei tried to teach me some method of throwing shuriken, but I never got it down." He took another drink as the teacher made another note.

"Alright, what about jutsu, elemental or otherwise?"

The blond bobbed his head. "I'm pretty good with fire techniques and I'm getting a handle on water, but nothing else besides that."

Iruka hummed again, scribbling something in his notepad. "So you'll need a tutor in the Academy Three Jutsu," at Naruto's curious look, he explained. "The Three are the pillars of a good ninja's mindset: Evasion, Misdirection, and Blending. Evasion is the Kawarimi, which is switching with something from the environment to avoid attacks, and if you've pre-prepared switching materials, they can be used as traps. Misdirection comes from the Bunshin no Jutsu, which creates non-physical copies of the user or anything else, really. They don't affect the environment, so a well-trained adversary can spot them fairly easily."

"Then why not teach a clone technique that's actually physical?" Naruto asked with a tilt of his head.

Iruka sighed deeply, pinching his nose in irritation. "Sorry. It's a good question, but one I get fairly often. See, physical clones are more chakra-intensive, and most genin don't have the reserves for it. After graduating and more in-depth training, that's generally when ninja learn physical clones. Besides, the Bunshin jutsu is actually one of the most versatile jutsu we have. Yes, you can create copies of yourself to create confusion, but you can also create copies of weapons. One kunoichi I knew would throw a fan of clone kunai at an enemy with one or two hidden inside, and she would create a clone that she would hide _inside_. It made fighting against her a real pain in the ass." He paused, noticing the impressed look the younger man was giving him.

"Alright," Naruto nodded, crossing his arms and leaning back against the front row desk. "You've convinced me. What about the last one?"

"Last one is Blending, the Henge no Jutsu," Iruka explained, clapping his hands together as a cloud of smoke covered him. As it faded, Naruto found the Sandaime Hokage standing in front of him. "As you can see-" the voice was even the same "-it allows a ninja to take on the appearance of another or even an object, although it won't stand up to close scrutiny. Depending on what it's used for, you need to have knowledge about the person you're transforming into, otherwise it won't be very realistic."

"So I need to learn those to pass, then?" The drunken blond asked, tapping his chin in thought as he sipped from his flask, the dragon carved into the side glinting in the light.

"Yes. Passing both the physical and jutsu portions of the Graduation Test would give you a passing grade," the teacher shrugged. "Not a high one mind you, but passing, which should be good enough for your purposes. Now that I've got an understanding of your capabilities, I'll see if I can pull together a tutor or two…for now, let's join the rest of the class outside."

The two of them exited the classroom through the teacher's door, walking side by side. As Naruto took another pull of his sake, Iruka gave him a suspicious side-eye and resolved to talk to him about it later. As they neared the outdoors, the teacher paused and patted himself down, cursing as he realized he'd left his clipboard back in the classroom. "Damn. Excuse me, I forgot something," he spun around, brushing against Naruto's shoulder as he went. "Sorry."

Naruto watched him go with an arched eyebrow before shrugging and continuing on, but not without a parting comment to his sash. "I felt what you did there," he said mildly, taking a sip from his flask. "That wasn't necessary. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, so stop it." He reached into his sash and withdrew an unfamiliar coin purse. "Huh. Dolphins."

Stepping into the sunlight, he found the class spread out across a well-tread field of grass; part of them went through very basic kata while others through shuriken and kunai at wooden dummies, while the rest were sitting in the shade of a tree with leaves sticking to their foreheads. Walking towards the last group, he plopped down next to Shikamaru, the Nara cracking an eye to glance at him. "Yeah?"

"What're you guys doing?" he asked, playing with a leaf.

"Leaf-sticking exercise," Shikamaru grunted, sighing as he fell back against the grass. "You take a leaf, and try to make it stick to your skin using your chakra. That's it."

"Alright," Naruto muttered to himself, pressing the leaf to his forehead and calling on his chakra, a trickle of warmth flooding through his skull. As he dropped his fingers, the leaf shot off of his head, looping in the air to rest on the grass.

"Too much chakra," the Nara said faintly.

Over the next hour or so, Naruto continued to try and stick the leaf to his forehead, and failed every time. Several drinks and a quiet sigh later, Shikamaru suggested he try with two leaves instead of the one, which the drunken blond found to be easier, though not by much.

"Alright, class!" Iruka called, the sun high in the sky. "It's time to break for lunch! Be back in thirty minutes, or it'll be detention with me!"

Naruto brushed himself off as he stood, offering a hand to Shikamaru and hauling him to his feet. "Thanks for the advice."

"Yeah, no problem," the Nara replied with yawn, stretching as he walked off with Choji Akimichi.

Hinata bounced up next to him, her bright smile on full blast as they began to leave the field. "So, you wanna catch lunch with me?" she offered, folding her hands behind her back as they walked. "There's this small hole-in-the-wall that makes these really good sandwiches."

Naruto chuckled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. "That does sound nice… _but_ I kinda promised the old man I'd eat with him today."

"Oh," she ducked her head, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Old man?"

"Yeah, he's-" Naruto perked up as the Sandaime appeared in a swirl of leaves, his triangular hat perched on his head and a smile on his wrinkled face. "Hey, old man. You're right on time."

"Punctuality is an important facet of any ninja, my boy," Hiruzen greeted with a cheeky wink, his gaze falling on the Hyuga kunoichi standing next to his honorary grandchild. "Oh? And who's this? Hinata Hyuga-chan, if I'm remembering correctly."

Reddening, Hinata bowed deeply. "Y-yes, I am Hinata Hyuga! It's a pleasure to meet you, Sandaime Hokage-Sama!" Noticing that Naruto was not, in fact, bowing, she tugged sharply on his sleeve. "What are you doing? This is the Hokage, you need to be respectful!" She hissed worriedly.

"Nah," Naruto shrugged carelessly, taking a sip of his sake. "I'm good. You ready for lunch, old man?"

"Been looking forward to it all day," Hiruzen replied, tapping his chin in thought. "Today feels like a barbeque day, don't you think?"

The blond nodded agreeably. "Sounds great." He paused, glancing at Hinata. "Actually, can I bring a plus one?"

"Of course!" The Hokage said with a smile. "The more the merrier. Come, let's get going, it wouldn't do to have you return late to class on your first day."

Naruto smirked and held an arm out to the still-red Hyuga. "Sweet. Coming?" Hinata looked between him and the leader of the village, quietly taking his arm and nearly hiding her face in his shoulder. "How's your day been, old man?"

"As fine as it typically is," the Hokage shrugged, chewing on the stem of his unlit pipe. "Paperwork, meetings, missions…all the important but completely boring aspects of ninja's life, and they're so much worse for me. I don't know why all the young'uns want to Hokage, it's terrible. Especially on my back."

Hinata giggled shrilly into Naruto's arm, not entirely certain that she was actually witnessing the Sandaime Hokage, the feared God of Shinobi, walking and talking, even _bitching_ about his position like a normal person. It was freaky.

"Yeah, running a village is hard work," the blond hummed, sipping from his dragon flask.

"Mm," the Sandaime agreed, stopping in front of a restaurant with a sign declaring it as 'Miki's Place.' "Here we are," Hiruzen announced, holding the door open for the younger members of the party. The Hyuga prankster muffled another slightly hysterical laugh into Naruto's shoulder as they stepped inside.

"Welcome to Miki's, how can I…help you…" The portly man who stood at the counter went pale as he realized who he was talking to. "Ho-Hokage-Sama! It-it's an honor to have you v-visit our establishment!"

"Is it?" The Hokage said softly, the smile fading into something a little less open, a little more controlled. "I've heard good things about this place, and I was hoping my party and I could enjoy a meal here."

"O-of course!" The man stuttered, shakily waving them passed the counter with what could charitably be called a smile. "R-right this way, Hokage-Sama!"

Walking through the building, other customers would look up from their meals grilling on their tables, their eyes would pass over them once before locking onto the white robes and hat of the Hokage. Then, they would stare in shock and awe at such a figure being in the same restaurant, going to eat food…

 _Like a normal person._

The Hokage let out a tiny, almost inaudible sigh as the waiter led them to a table and set a trio of menus on the surface, bowing nervously and scurrying away as they took their seats. Still clutching Naruto's arm, Hinata squeezed in next to him, nearly burying her face in the menu. "…Should've gone to Ichiraku's," Hiruzen muttered, thumbing through the edible options. "The seasoned pork looks rather tasty, I have to say."

"I like the look of the marinated steak," Naruto replied, dryly looking at the old man over his menu. "And I could've told you that, old man. At least they don't treat you like you're about to snap and murder them all…right, Hinata?" He teased the prankster, lightly nudging her with his elbow.

"Oh! U-um, yes," she fidgeted with the plastic menu, her face terribly red. "P-please excuse me, Hokage-Sama…"

"It's alright, Hinata-chan," the Sandaime smiled gently at her. "I know I can be scary, but please, just treat me like a regular person in this kind of situation."

"Okay!" Hinata nodded firmly, breathing a relieved sigh before finally sliding away from Naruto. "Thanks for being my shield," she mumbled embarrassedly.

"Anytime," he replied, his eyes raking over options. "Oho, they have eel. I haven't had eel in a long time, that sounds good."

The waiter returned with a notebook in hand, giving a nervous smile even as his voice shook. "H-how can I s-serve you today, Hokage-Sama?"

"I'd like the seasoned pork with a side-serving of salad and a pot of jasmine tea, please," the Sandaime spoke, turning to the couple on the other side. "It's my treat, so feel free to get whatever you want."

"Thanks, old man, I'll treat you to ramen next time," Naruto grinned, setting his menu down as he turned to the waiter, who gawped at his impertinence. "I'll take the barbeque eel and the marinated steak, with rice as a side. And what would you recommend for an alcoholic drink to pair with that?"

The waiter opened his mouth and hesitated, blinking as he looked out of a window. "Al-alcohol? It's…the middle of the day…"

The blond arched an eyebrow at him. "…And?"

He gulped and peered at his notebook in thought. "W-well, we do have rice beer made with red beans…"

"Alright!" Naruto closed his menu and set it aside. "I'll take a glass of that. Hinata?"

"I'll have the chicken with a side of gyoza," the Hyuga kunoichi said primly, folding her hands on the table. "And a some pomegranate juice to go with it."

The waiter bowed deeply and scurried off, leaving the three alone. "So, Naruto, how's your first day back?" Hiruzen asked, sighing as he leaned back into the plush seat.

"Good so far, but a little boring," he admitted with a shrug. "I'm a bit behind on the whole jutsu front, and chakra control and throwing weapons." Naruto sucked his teeth dispassionately. "Not so much on the physical side or history, but still…I'm gonna have to work hard to catch up."

"I can help you!" Hinata offered with a bright smile, grabbing his arm lightly. "I'm one of the top kunoichi in class, I know all the material."

The Sandaime tapped his chin in thought. "While that's a nice offer, Hinata-chan, it _is_ the last month before graduation. The test and reviews are only going to get more demanding as time goes on, and you should focus on your own studies. Perhaps you could tutor him in one facet, while others handle the remaining ones." He turned a look on Naruto. "Naruto, my boy, do you have any money?"

"Some," he replied simply, winking at the waiter who returned to their table with a tray of drinks. "I could probably afford an apartment, if that's what you're thinking."

"That's nice to know, but I was thinking more of hiring a ninja to tutor you," Hiruzen hummed. "Well, if your other classmates are up to the challenge, perhaps it won't be necessary."

"I can ask around," the Hyuga prankster offered, rubbing her hands gleefully as their food was served. Given that it was cook-it-yourself place, the main course was raw, but still. Before long, the meat was grilling and they'd dug into the side dishes. "Despite being my arch-enemy, Sasuke's quite good at the Academy three and I hear she's been practicing higher-ranked techniques in her off-time."

"I'll ask Iruka-kun to set it up," Hiruzen smiled as he plucked a piece of pork from the grill and popped it in his mouth. "Mm, this is quite delicious."

Conversation died down, replaced by the partaking in their freshly-grilled meals. "Mm, old man," Naruto offered a chunk of steaming eel around a mouthful of rice, "Try the eel, it's tasty."

The Sandaime ate the morsel and hummed appreciatively. "You're right my boy, it's good."

"Ooh, can I try?" Hinata asked, receiving a bite in return. "A little rich, but I like it! Here, try my chicken."

The blond chewed thoughtfully. "Oh, that's yummy. The little bit of lemon really ties it all together."

Chuckling to himself, Hiruzen glanced at a clock and clicked his tongue in disappointment. "Ah. Good food and good company make the time fly, I suppose," he directed the younger couple to the clock while he signaled for the waiter. "We need a few to-go boxes and the check."

"Sorry to cut this short, old man," Naruto sighed, finishing off his rice beer. "The class room calls."

"Indeed," the older man chuckled as they packed the remainder of of their lunches away. "As I said, it's my treat. You two get back to the Academy, I'll handle the check."

Hinata stood quickly and bowed, her forehead nearly bouncing off the table. "T-thank you for lunch, Hokage-sama!" She blushed nervously at the amused looks from the men. "W-what? H-habits are hard to b-break, you know?"

"And you were doing so well," Hiruzen shook his head with a chuckle. "I suppose the only way to cure you is repeated exposure."

"I-I suppose," the Hyuga kunoichi stuttered, clearing her throat. "T-thank you for the help, Hokage-sama."

Naruto chuckled under his breath, offering Hinata his arm again. "I'll see you later, alright old man?" They waved as they left Miki's Place and made their way back to the Academy. As they approached the building, the blond turned to Hinata with a grin. "You pulled that stutter out on purpose."

She flashed him a bright smile and a victory-sign. "Yup!" she admitted with zero shame. "Getting lunch with the Hokage and my new friend all the time? Sign me the hell up! Which I just did."

Naruto shook his head admiringly. "Clever girl."

Hinata winked. "Kunoichi."

…

They arrived at the classroom with a minute to spare and settled into their seats for another lecture about history, but this time it was about the other nations, which made it about twice as interesting. Naruto took careful notes and made sure to mark some subjects for further study. The day ended after that, but Iruka called him, Hinata and Sasuke down to the front as everyone else was dismissed.

"As you know," the teacher nodded at Naruto, "our newest member is behind, _far_ behind, I'd like to ask for your help in bringing him up to the class's level. Since you two are the best in class this year, I figured you would be the best to ask for help in this matter."

"I already volunteered to tutor Naruto-kun in chakra control, sensei," Hinata spoke up, flicking her hair back with a confident smile aimed at Sasuke. "It's what I'm best at, after all."

The Uchiha kunoichi arched an eyebrow at her. "You're a Hyuga, it'd be disappointing if you weren't," she said shortly, turning her coal-black gaze on Naruto and completely ignoring the way her words made the Hyuga deflate. "Hm. I suppose I can cut into my training time to tutor. But know this," Sasuke leveled a serious finger at the blond. "You waste my time, I won't bother teaching you a damn thing. You show up on time and put in the work, we won't have any problems."

"Gotcha," Naruto winked at her, getting a huff in return. "Does thirty minutes after class work for you two?"

"Hm." Sasuke grunted, while Hinata replied with a bright, "Yup!"

Iruka clapped his hands, pushing away from his desk. "Alright, that settles it. I'll see you all in class tomorrow." He turned back to the chalkboard and began erasing the lecture written on it.

"We'll start tomorrow," the Uchiha kunoichi muttered, dashing out of an open window.

"Think so you're _soooo_ cool, don't you?" Hinata grumbled, taking Naruto's arm as they began to leave. "I actually have family training tonight, so I can't start today either. We can start the day after, okay?"

"Whatever works for you," Naruto nodded, pausing in the doorway and spinning around. "One sec." Reaching into his sash, he pulled a coin purse decorated with little cartoon dolphins. "Hey, Iruka."

The scarred teacher turned around with a curious expression. "Yeah?"

"Found this outside," the blond answered, tossing the coin purse to him. "Be a little more careful, yeah?" He left with a cheeky wink, rejoining Hinata on the way out. They walked in comfortable silence, broken a minute later as he asked, "Hey, Hinata. Why were you and those people so freaked out about the old man? I know he's the Hokage and everything, but that was a little…over the top."

"Oh," Hinata frowned uncomfortably and the afternoon felt just a little darker. "Well, about five years ago, something happened and it made him absolutely _furious._ His Killing Intent could be felt all over the village. It was so bad, a couple of people had to go the hospital for anxiety and heart attacks. The four jonin who gave him the news almost fainted from the pressure, and they're veterans from the last war!"

Naruto hummed in thought. "Five years ago, hmm?"

"Yeah, it was terrifying," the sunny Hyuga shuddered, drawing closer to him. "Hey wait a minute, five years ago. Isn't that when you…?"

"Yeah."

Hinata's eyes widened in realization. "…Ooooh. Wow, he must really care about you." She tapped her chin in thought. "Actually, that was the second time I can remember him being that angry. The first time…well, something bad went down with Kumo, and he had to give up someone to keep the peace. I think we would've gone to war if he hadn't calmed down…"

"Who woulda thought, pissing off the second person to be called the 'God of Shinobi' is a bad idea," Naruto murmured, drawing a quiet giggle from Hinata. "By the way, I want to say thank you. I was kind of dreading today, starting in a new school and all, but you made it all a little brighter, like a ray of sunshine."

Hinata beamed at him, leaning over to peck his cheek. "Glad I could help," she said brightly, drawing away from him. "This is me," she explained, jacking a thumb at the gates of the Hyuga compound. "See you tomorrow?"

"Of course," he gave her a parting nod and wink, moseying off as he drew his flask and took a deep drink.

"Onee-chan?" A girl's voice pulled Hinata from her watching Naruto, turning to find a younger Hyuga with unbound brown hair and similar eyes tilting her head curiously. "Who was that guy?"

Hinata smiled softly. "His name's Naruto Uzumaki, Hanabi-chan, a new classmate of mine. He's very kind."

"You kissed him." Hanabi pointed out simply.

Her sister flushed but looked pleased. "I did," she replied bluntly.

The younger Hyuga hummed thoughtfully. "Naruto Uzumaki…has blond hair, blue eyes and whiskers on his cheeks…" She snapped her fingers in realization. "Isn't that the name of the boy you've had a crush on for years?"

Hinata resisted the urge to bury her flaming face in her sleeves. "…Maybe…"

…

Instead of heading for the Hokage's home, Naruto diverged from the road and strolled through the dappled forest, enjoying the afternoon breeze as he drank. Finding a calm, empty clearing, he flopped down against the wide trunk of a tree and drank deeply. "Thanks for being quiet today," he said aloud, seemingly to no one. "What'd you think of all the jutsu and chakra crap we saw today?"

Twin streams of sake flowed from the mouth of the flask, one bursting into flames as the other became water, both twisting into the forms of miniature dragons. "Anything that'll help you protect yourself is worthy to learn, in my book," Hosei replied, curling around his shoulders and settling on him with a sigh. "Looking at the map, I think I've found a few areas of investigation, based on where the Water Dragon was."

The Water Dragon huffed. "You know my name's Mugawa, _Fire Dragon_ ," Mugawa retorted, twisting through the air to land on the grass. "I like the imagination behind the techniques. It's so nice to see people as a whole bettering themselves…even if it is for combat."

"Yeah, I can definitely see ways to integrate those moves into my repertoire," Naruto nodded, humming as he took a deep drink. "And to think, there's so much more beyond just those three that I have to wonder how effective I could be in the future."

"Especially with a team backing you up," the Water Dragon added, before giving a draconic smile. "And don't think I didn't notice the fact that most of your possible teammates are pretty girls, Naruto."

The blond chuckled to himself. "Yeah…" He muttered, though his smile was slightly flat as he raised a hand to the necklace under his shirt. "A few of them seem rather skilled, too."

"Hmph!" Hosei scoffed, turning her nose up at the thought. "I wish you wouldn't flirt so much, Naruto. They're just a distraction on your road to becoming the Ultimate Dragon Warrior."

Naruto scowled slightly as he took a long pull from his flask, Mugawa rising up with a retort. "Hey, all work and no play is bad for your health!" she hissed, coiling angrily, "Just because you're so desperate to bring all the Dragons together doesn't mean he has to be! We literally have all the time in the world!"

"No, we don't!" Hosei spat back, rising from her position around Naruto's neck, the human ignoring the byplay in favor of drinking. "I don't why I'm surprised, I should've expected an _eel_ so deep in her own _whirlpool_ wouldn't be able to feel how the winds are changing!"

"I was _trapped in a box a hundred feet below the surface for thousands of years!"_ Mugawa raged back, her body of water writhing with white foam. " _But of course_ **you** _wouldn't care about that, would you?! You selfish, toothless, sputtering_ _ **Ash Worm!"**_

Hosei charged the Water Dragon with a roar, the two clashing with a ringing hiss as flames burnt away water and water suffocated fire, a cloud steam floating away in the breeze being the only evidence of their brief conflict. Naruto sighed, taking another swig before letting more sake flow out and the dragons reform. "You done?" He asked shortly.

"Yes," the dragons replied bitterly, turning away with twin huffs.

"Good. Can you two takes notes of whatever interests you while I'm in class?" Naruto asked, drinking deepy before capping his flask and storing it in his sash. "You two might catch something I don't, after all. And I might…be a little distracted."

Mugawa cocked her head in concern, observing the uncharacteristic slump to the blond's shoulders. "What undertow got him?" she wondered softly.

Hosei sighed mournfully, shaking her flaming head. " _Those_ days are coming up," she replied sadly, twisting in on herself until she extinguished herself in a cloud of smoke.

The Water Dragon looked from the drifting smoke to the departing blond with a draconic shrug. "Well…that was cryptic." Her liquid form went still before collapsing to the ground with a splash.

…

…

…

…

 **A/N: Hey look, another chapter for the new story! Yay!**

 **Now, before anyone gets all snotty, remember the A/N of the first chapter? That's right, I warned you. I warned you there would be more differences than just Naruto leaving.**

 **So yes, Sasuke's a girl. BUT (and a big but so you know I'm being serious) I've got a good reason for it. A really good one, actually, that has an effect on the plot later down the line and a connection to another important character.**

 **Also, Sasuke's not the only one. There are three, the other two are a secret. Again-again, remember the first chapter! This ain't no weird harem thing, these are genuine story-driven reasons that will have an impact on future events. And those events aren't 'they have sex.'**

 **Speaking of a harem (since that's like, the second most-asked question I get besides 'what's wrong with you?') and there will be one. I mean, come on, pretty much every story I've written is harem-like, if nothing else, and this one is no different. Except more realistic to the setting, I'd like to think and no, I'm not talking about some 'I need to restore my clan!' or that CRA nonsense, I'm talking genuine reasons. And, now that I think about it, it's more 'multiple partners' than it is 'multiple love interests,' though that is a part of it.**

 **Just trust me on this, okay? I think I've earned a little bit of that.**

 **Dragons: Hosei is the Fire Dragon, while Mugawa is the Water Dragon. They kinda hate each other and not in the 'fire/water are opposites' deal, it's more personal than that. Fire burns hot, water rages, really they're just too similar to get along.**

 **Big thanks as always to AJR3333, Dareigh, NorthSouthGorem and Kurogane7 for being soundboards, editing, ideas and all that good shit. Give the ones who write a check and a shout-out from me!**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you look forward to more.**

 **Stay Awesome.**

 **~Soleneus**

 **P.S.: I doubt the guy's ever read my stories, but man I love me some Kenchi618 stories. Christ that guy can write. I've been re-reading Shinobi of the High Seas and The Newest Challenger again to get me in the mood to write some Naruto.**

 **Also, I've been reading a lot of different stuff lately. Game of Thrones, A:TLA, Even some legend of Zelda fanfiction. Naturally, I've been bouncing between stories because of that. Well, that and my own stress from bills, insurance and a lack of money.**

 **Stay Awesome Some More.**

 **~still Soleneus**


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